I used a 7 card spread based on Colette Baron Reid’s teachings.

Card #1: Past Influences – Page of Cups

Dawning of intuition within, infancy of love or happiness in a relationship, or sharing emotions. Explore emotional limits and psychic abilities. A person with a wealth of knowledge, giving freely his advice.  A person gifted with much foresight.

Card #2: Present – Who I have become – Eight of Swords

Restricted, confused, powerless.  Stuck in a relationship or job, but fear of failure or loneliness keeps you bound. he Eight of Swords stands for those times when we feel lost, confused and powerless.

Card #3: Next Thing, What to expect to develop – Ace of Swords

New ideas, new ways of thinking.  Clearing out doubts, confusion, and help you aim for your goals with a diamond-like clarity.  A sign of protection from fears. Shines a positive and fair light on outcomes in work, legal issues, and contracts. Triumph.

Card #4 – The Obstacle – The Star

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. When this card appears, you know somehow that life is just about to become easier and brighter. Life’s forces combine to assist rather than hinder.

Card #5: Other people, outside influences, how they see you: Six of Wands

Triumph, acclaim, pride. Success and victory.  Heralds possibilities for promotion, good news, and triumph over adversity.

Card #6: Course of Action – Seven of Pentacles

Patience, cultivate and nurture, and refine and polish.  A time to wait, a time to reconsider your life’s path.  When found in a reading with The Star, your rewards will be multiplied.

Card #7: Probable Outcome – Nine of Pentacles

Contentment and material wealth have been reached.  Bask in the glory. Self-sufficiency.  Calm, warm and giving.  nothing stands in your way of achieving what is necessary. You will experience mental, emotional, spiritual, physical and financial profit if you choose to follow what has heart and meaning to you. Organize your life and the results will be gain, which comes as a result of unifying your wisdom with your love in a creative way which facilitates tangible gain in all areas of your life.

Well, I’d say that was a very exciting and positive reading!  I just have to continue looking for a job, have patience, and faith that all the wishes of my heart will manifest!

We Used to be Friends

I have been in mourning for months now.  I saw the end long before you did and although I asked for what I wanted and needed, you couldn’t give it.  So grief is my constant companion.

Because we used to be friends.

We weren’t acquaintances.  We weren’t casual friends that had a good time together if we happened to show up to the same meeting.  I didn’t tolerate you; I loved you.  I made wishes for your good fortune, because your happiness became something I genuinely longed to see.

And then, suddenly, we weren’t friends anymore.

It was clear that your priorities and mine were different. My expectations of what our relationship looked like were very different from yours. My understanding of confidences and trust were different from yours.  I could no longer be safe with you.  The restful harbor of your friendship was gone, and all that was left was emptiness.

You told me you don’t know how to do friendships. You told me you were overwhelmed. You told me that other people were just more important, because they were useful. I was not. I was an obligation, a burden, another thing you “had” to do.

We laughed together.  We cried, too.  Because, of course, it’s nearly impossible for two people to be friends for long without somebody crying.  We wiped each other’s tears, or sat silently beside one another until there were no more tears to cry.  We shared secrets, secrets that went beyond the superficial he said/she said/I did/I know.  We divulged the truly dangerous stuff about what we feared and regretted and hoped for and dreamed of and wanted to be when we grew up.  I split myself open in front of you, and it made perfect sense at the time to do so.

Because we used to be friends.

The day we stopped being friends, my heart broke open in sadness and grief. I could no longer pretend that it could be mended, I could no longer hope for reconciliation.  My boundaries had been violated, and my trust was gone.  I knew I had lost you forever, and it broke my heart. You became someone I didn’t know.

Because we used to be friends.

I’ve seen people move on from friendships.  I’ve heard the rewriting of history as the same old stories are suddenly retold from a new, more angry perspective.  I know that it’s natural to become hyper aware of a person’s faults as resentment and time puts distance between you.  I know.  I’ve done it.  And part of me wants so damn badly to do it with you, because then all of this wouldn’t still hurt.

But here’s the catch.  I still love you.  A huge part of me wants to be your friend again, but the wiser part reminds me that this can never be.

When you said “I miss you”, my heart broke open again.  But I will never be able to tell you how much you hurt me.  I will never be able to confide in you again, or make myself vulnerable again. Never again.  As much as it hurts me to write this, I will say it again: Never again. I will never be able to tell you how much I love you and how much I want you in my life.  Because if I do, you will hurt me again, and I can’t afford that much heartbreak.

Because we used to be friends.

Letter from My Angels

Dear Angels – As you know, I am in pain and hurt right now, and I want to heal it.  I don’t want to feel weird or uncomfortable, or angry, or frustrated with Glenna and Michele anymore.  Please, give me some insight as to what I need to do to heal this.

My Darling Girl, we know you are struggling right now and we have heard your pain.  Only those who love this deeply can hurt this deeply.  Know this, what they are doing has nothing to do with anything you have done.  You just vibrate at a different speed than they do, and when people vibrate differently there are going to be conflicts, or at least perceived conflicts.

Tomorrow when you are with Glenna, just be in love.  Just keep sending her love and you will find that your heart will begin to heal.

Their secrets, their actions, their ways are not your ways.  Breathe and know that you are perfectly surrounded by divine love.  We are always here, we are always beside you.

We will cleanse you of any energy cords, we will calm your mind. Even now Archangel Jophiel is working to declutter your mind, and help you focus on love and positive things.  There are so many who love you, who cherish you… heed not those who would act out of their own insecurities.

Please take some time tonight and breathe in our love.  Meditate on love and forgiveness.  We will heal your heart.  We will guide you.  Do not fear, we will be by you every step of the way.

Already your new life is unfolding, and we are preparing the way for you to be where you want to be and with the people you want to associate with.  If you truly wish a move to be near family in Southern California, we will make it so.

Return to your job hunt.  Return to doing what you love.  Return, return, return to spirit and all things will unfold before you.

And so it is.

So Tired of the Drama

You know what I’ve noticed?

That there are some days when the “girls club” just pisses me off.

It is like Junior High, it is like knives stabbing at my core.

Why does the “girls club” lie, keep secrets, and hide what they are doing?  If you have to hide what you are doing, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.

Not too long ago I was included.  I was one of the girls.  Now I am persona non grata.  I believe all I did to receive that standing was to tell the truth.  But as we know, most of the girls don’t like the truth.  My bad.

So I have a mantra I repeat over and over, “They aren’t safe, they aren’t safe…” but it doesn’t ease the pain of being left behind, forgotten, and ignored.

God, I hope Michele doesn’t show up at Julia’s wedding.  I have put it out to the Universe that I want none of that.

August event will be a whole other thing, but I have ways of being chipper and then walking away.

This is NOT my issue, but somehow I know who’s issue it is.  It is Glenna’s.  She who must be the Queen at all times.  Fuck, she is going to freak out when she finds out I am presenting at the event.  However, maybe I won’t have to… maybe she will tell Jeff that I shouldn’t present because I’m not very good at it.

Oh hell, just get me out of here and into another job in California.  I am so sick of the drama… my own included.

I asked the question: How do I best magnify the energy of the New Moon and Solar Eclipse.

I used a Five Card Spread.

First Card: The Present

The high priestess represents wisdom, serenity, knowledge and understanding. This card means the person has the ability to learn and teach. Any secrets that need to be learned will be revealed soon. Hidden influences can be at work here. If this appears in a reading for a man it represents the perfect woman all men want. If in a woman’s reading, she can find those values – in herself or a friend. The high priestess represents wisdom, serenity, knowledge and understanding. This cards means the person has the ability to learn and teach. Any secrets that need to be learned will be revealed soon. Hidden influences can be at work here. If this appears in a reading for a man it represents the perfect woman all men want. If in a woman’s reading, she can find those values – in herself or a friend.

She also reminds us to trust our intuition, and for a male especially, he must learn of his ‘anima’ or female side, or he will fail to grow. For a woman, it means to trust herself and not to fall for the delusions perpetrated by the world on females that would bend their natures to imitate those of males in the society.

The High Priestess represents a link to the subconscious mind, which cannot be accessed through the everyday world, but only through dreams and symbols. When this card shows up in a reading, pay attention to your dreams and intuition. When she appears, look for areas of your life that are out of balance. Knowledge of how to fix it will not come through logic or intellect, but through your intuition. Listen to the small voice inside. Put aside a time when you can meditate and listen to your own inner voice.

The High Priestess is associated with Moon, and the rune Wyrd. Two is the number of Growth. Meditation Factors – When you need inner guidance; When you need to strengthen your psychic abilities.

She is the Keeper/Guardian of intuitive wisdom and magick. Whereas the Magician is a manipulator of matter and spirit using the formula ‘as above, so below’, she is the magician whose formula is ‘as inside, so outside’.

Wisdom and feminine compassion may provide insight to problems. Hidden influences within yourself may provide you with the answers that you seek. Want to follow through with a course of action and/or to utilise an idea, skill or philosophy. Once you make a decision or decide upon a goal, make a commitment to it and let nothing divert you from it or keep you from attaining it. Recognise the patterns that have sabotaged you in the past and cut them off.

This card is telling you to pay attention to your dreams and intuitions; a facet of you is trying to make itself known. When this card appears in a spread, it indicates that your life is changing. Things that once seemed so certain can no longer be taken for granted. Some puzzling mysteries become more clear, but all is not yet revealed at this point. On the bonus side, you will find that your intuitive powers are increasing and you may be inspired to be creative; this is a particularly good card for poets and writers. Depending on the surrounding cards, the High Priestess can mean that a noble and gentle influence will enter your life in the form of a woman, either as a friend or a lover.

Spiritually you are about to attain a new level of enlightenment. You may have realised the power of your intuition and have begun to study psychic matters. This card can indicate a particular attraction to the occult, a thirst for secret knowledge. At this point, you must pay attention to the lesson of the swan. She is a guide to the Otherworld consciousness, parting the swan-veil mist to allow access. Swan is telling you that knowledge will not come a this time through action or intellectual endeavour, but by listening to the inner voice of the spirit, which may be missed in the hurly-burly of chatter and business. Put aside times of silence when you can become aware and listen.

Personal Interpretation: Well, it is surely a time where I have been in deep introspection and have once again opened my channels to the world of the spiritual.  It indicates that my life is changing, and I believe with all my heart that a new path is right around the corner.  So, yeah for this card!

Second Card: Past influences still having effect

Resumed meaning: Combination. Co-operation. Co-ordination. Innovation through combination. Diplomacy. Successful Negotiations. Maturity in dealing with certain matters. A placid, balanced temperament and good outlook. Meaning literally, temperance in the sense of harmony and balance. good management. An ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

In depth analisis: What you are experiencing is a clash between the old and the new. A chemical reaction in mind, body, and affairs caused by a reaction to a new action. There is nothing to fear, it’s part of the process and without it change could not occur.

You will see a need for re-evaluation. You may be re-evaluating the situation. Be aware it may be you who are the subject of the forthcoming re-evaluation. Avoid ‘crying over spilt milk’ or saying, ‘I told you so’.

This card represents adaptation, coordination, and tempering influences. You are able to work in harmony with others. You show good management and balance in your outlook on life. What you have imagined will come to pass.

Temperance indicates that, deep down, you already know what you need to do. Your inner voice is guiding you gently to the right outcome and you are patiently listening and following. You have a very balanced perspective on the situation at this time and you are in a very good position to make the right choice for you. You have weighed up the different issues from a holistic point of view, and know now what you need to do.

Patience. You need to be patient so that you can act with timing and precision. Test yourself: do you feel anxious or in harmony with practical considerations and natural laws? Learn how to mix, blend, stir and wait.

Personal Interpretation: This is absolutely a time of old and new… I am indeed having to balance my current job with my dreams of moving onward.  I will indeed exercise patience and know that the Universe has a perfect timing for me and my move and my future career.

Third Card: Future

Resumed meaning: Contentment and happiness on attaining success. Good Health. Material happiness. Mental, physical and spiritual vitality. New inventors or inventions. Academic and particularly scientific success. Reward. Acclaim. Approval. Children. Abundance of energy. Achievement. Joy and happiness

In depth analisis: Radiance. You need to share your highest qualities and achievements. Radiate who you are and what you are doing always. Shine love on those you care about. Be a strong, paternal figure. Support all efforts to grow.

This is a card of attainment and liberation. A good marriage is also indicated. Achievements will be made in the arts, science, or agriculture. You take pleasure in the simple life.

You have triumphed over the events and lessons of the past and are moulding a new persona which is not yet strong enough to hold its own. The space you are in now can be likened to a womb which is actually protective and nurturing, and when this embryonic stage or metamorphosis is complete you will be strong enough to face the world again.

The Sun gives you strength and tells you that no matter where you go or what you do, your positive and radiant energy will follow you and will bring you happiness and joy. People are drawn to you because you can always see the bright side and you bring such warmth into other people’s lives. This beautiful energy is what will get you through the tough times and will help you succeed.

You will make sure all intentions, both romantic and otherwise, are perfectly clear. Plans and directions, as well as messages of love, romance and appreciation will be exchanged. Communication will be kept flowing.

Confidence. Life is good, the sun is shining and you’re on your way. It is that feeling of getting up on Saturday morning, the whole weekend ahead of you, you open the curtains and the sun shines on your face. Having struggled through the shadow sides you now know yourself and know where you’re heading. And the sun illuminates your path. This card tells you that you have reached a new level.

The Sun is an energetic card, a simple card as well: no elaborate scheming, plain and simple is the best option. When the Sun turns up in a reading, it indicates a boost forward and the fact you can trust that work can and will be done, with relative little effort.

If you have been having a difficult time, the Sun brings you the message you have been waiting for – that things are going to get better… a lot better! You know that the rain clouds will soon give way to the rays of the sun and you will feel warmed to the soul once again.

Fourth Picked Card: The reason behind the question

Resumed meaning: A greedy and grasping person, sometimes self satisfied and smug. Depending upon the surrounding cards may indicate that finances have reached a break even point or even a standstill.

In depth analisis: The Knight of Pentacles reversed is about feeling stuck in a routine and a repetitive pattern of behaviour. A relationship, job, family situation, etc. may become overly mundane and boring. To free yourself from this repetition, aim to do things a little differently each time and bring some spontaneity into your life.

Fifth Picked Card: The potential within the situation

Resumed meaning: Solvency in material affairs, clearance of debts and use of good fortune to the benefit of others. Repayment of favours. Charity, patronage, sympathy and a kind heart.

In depth analisis: The six of pentacles means balance and giving with regard to money and security. The giving of gifts and possessions. If describing a person it is someone who is generous and gives to charity.

Prosperity. Success. Physical attainment/accomplishment. Charitable attitude, sensitivity to others needs, sharing resources. Generosity. Money put to good use. Help from someone. Sharing, generosity and charity. Domination/submission, hierarchy. A force that holds together or reconciles the opposites in life. Although nothing is reconciled, but the situation maintains the balance and keeps it going). The scales are balanced, so he gives what he feels he will not miss. A person who relates easily to others, yet always holds back his or her deepest feelings. Giving people what they are able to receive. Putting yourself in a position to receive what you are able to receive. The concept of life providing what you need, as long as you are able to receive it. A person who dominates another, who gives, but also from a basis of superiority. There is an element of balance though, since the people involved are well matched.

The six of pentacles is the money in-money out card. It is often giving someone a loan, or a gift of money, you get some you give it away and it comes back to you. it can also be an act of charity, money is not stagnant with the card, it is moving. But be careful not to deplete your resources here. This can also be giving of yourself, a volunteer position or something like that. Also you could be on the receiving end of a gift like this with this card.

The six of pentacles will provide generosity and kindness to your situation resulting in gain for you. Another person will contribute to your efforts resulting in your success. Material gain may be indicated. Want what’s rightfully or legally yours to be given back or to be reinstated in your profession or status. There ARE answers available and the key to solving problems is to stop thinking about them. This card follows appropriately upon the difficulties expressed in the Five of Pentacles. In the six, you as the questioner may be represented either by the rich merchant or by the beggars at his feet. In any case, there is a sense of peace and happiness about this card because it indicates the ending of the tribulation expressed by the five. The merchant represents not only the attainment of prosperity and financial stability, but also the experience of psychological peace in your relationship to money.

I Am Creating Now!

I feel the shift…

Last weekend I spent most of the time in conscious meditation and carefully choosing my thoughts. Once again, I have been reminded that staying positive keeps me happy, focusing on the negative brings more in. Wow, I am an incredibly slow learner. :)

I spoke with Linda last night and both of us are going through a similar spiritual rebirth. Maybe after we left the church we needed some down time, or I don’t know.. but it is as if a light has been turned back on for me. I know what I need to do spiritually, and if I do it, it keeps me grounded and happy.

I have also heard clearly from my angels that it is time to get back to the “lightwork”. So last night, when Linda mentioned that we needed to be working together again, I knew it was true.

I don’t know what lies ahead with Liv, with moving, with anything… but I do know that connecting spiritually is a must and that I have been given gifts that can indeed bless others.

So, positive thoughts, positive words, staying out of drama and remaining light-hearted… that’s the path I’m on right now.


A New Day, A New Thought

Today I’m creating joy.

Joy = No Drama.  I don’t want, I don’t need it, and God knows I don’t have to create it.

Today, I’m stepping into a new way of being… again.

I’m counting on my angels, my guides, and my higher self to get me to the next stop on my journey.

I am creating joy, the perfect job in the perfect place, abundance of money, health, and love, peaceful family relations, and FUN!

I am releasing the anxiety, the pain, the sadness, the loneliness, the frustration, the anger, the weight, and the longing for people who don’t want me.

I am free.


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