Am I still angry? Youbetcha.
Am I doing better? Yup.
So, how am I feeling? Like a very privileged white woman who is trying to navigate the delicacies of doing what is right for all people without leaking my privilege all over like some pumpkin-spice goo.
This is new territory for me. Please be patient with me as I express views that might not sit well with you, I’m fumbling through this time just like you are.
I read the words of men and women I deeply respect, and although much of what they say gives me confidence and encouragement, I’m also being told repeatedly that I am expressing myself incorrectly. Well, fuck that.
(I am seriously considering building a website called unfuckyourfucks.com so we can all just learn to have zero fucks about what others think about us)
Part of my practice over the last few days has been to really think about those who feel so much fear that they want to eliminate anyone or anything different from what they are accustomed to. Are they bad people? No, I don’t believe they are bad. I believe they have life lessons I can’t begin to understand, and that they have been very carefully taught by people they have put in positions of authority in their lives who have told them this is the way it is.
I’ve been in that place where I’ve let others tell me what is right and what is “God’s Will” and holy shit, that is a long, dark hole to crawl out of. So I am saying metta prayers for those who are frightened on all sides. To the Right who fear change, sin, and anything that looks “unChristian”. They just want to protect their families and their way of life. To the Left who are feeling like they have lost all grip on a reality they honestly believed existed. They just want to protect their freedoms and hard won battles.
Both sides absolutely believe they are right. We can educate, we can kindly speak of our pain and our concerns, but in all fairness, our Facebook rants and posts are just self-serving excretions of our feelings that are about to go postal in our brains. In a word, it doesn’t change a thing. (Note: yet we continue to do it. I continue to do it)
Just because I post about the new policies coming out of Washington that scare the ever-loving shit out of me, it doesn’t mean I don’t have compassion for the other side. (And yes, I realize there are some who will read that feel the need to attack). Believe me, don’t waste your energy. Like I said, I’m doing the best I can in a world where I don’t know the rules of engagement.
All I can do is love and forgive.
All I can do is speak my truth as clearly as I can.
All I can do is breathe, be as much light as I can be.
All I can do is honor the human in you, and pray you honor the human in me.