I am alone.
Suffocating under the weight of my feelings.
It is only within myself that I can find comfort…
so I weep and keen into
the waves of grief
the deep bone sadness
I am tired
tired in my cells
tired of the pain this human shell brings
tired of the grief
the inability to see one foot in front of another
Yet, where can I turn for peace?
There is no magic Jesus
waving his benevolent wand to take away my pain.
There is no Mother Mary
to wrap me in her arms and tell me everything will be all right
because she cannot.
Everything will not be all right.
Everything just is.
I am high on this rock face
and I’ve lost my hand hold and my footing.
If I look down, I panic
If I look up, I panic
I am lost on this mountain of life
and there is no hand reaching for me
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you
I love so deeply
so much so my very cells quake in the expression
and that is what rips me to tiny shreds
floating in the air to you
my love floats to you on my tears
in my prayers to the empty air
my love is the confetti of my heart
flying to you wherever you are
There is no magic to heal you
There is no magic to heal me
There is just life
the ebbing and flowing
the waxing and waning
the peace and the pain
There is just this.
And even this arises, and passes away.